Funny Poems

Table of Contents

1. A Rub

   by John B. Tabb

   
   

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   'Twixt Handkerchief and Nose
   A difference arose;
   And a tradition goes
   That they settled it by blows.
   

2. Not Thankful

   by Annette Wynne

   
   

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   I think the only person that
   Is sorry that the Pilgrims came,
   Is our great turkey, bold and fat,
   And really he's not much to blame.
   

   What if they sailed across the blue,
   And found a land for great and small,
   Perhaps it's lots of fun for you—
   He never sees the fun at all!
   

   So he's not thankful that they came—
   And really he's not much to blame.
   

3. Reptilian Anatomy

   by Anonymous

   
   

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   "Bedad, that hurt!" and Patrick held
   A bleeding finger up to view.
   Erstwhiles he'd poked up shrimps and such
   To see just what the things would do.
   

   The Irishman's patrons gathered 'round;
   But not with sympathy — they laughed
   At Paddy's little turtle scrape —
   And, while the reptile crawled, they chaffed.
   

   Howld on, I want to know pfwhere is
   "His head," says Paddy's Irish tongue,
   "And pfwhere's his tail?" "Why so?" says one.
   "To know if I am bit or shtung!"
   

4. The Cunning Old Crow

   by Anonymous

   
   

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   On the limb of an oak sat a cunning old crow,
   And chatted away with glee,
   As he saw the old farmer go out to sow,
   And he cried, "It's all for me!
   

   "Look, look, how he scatters his seeds around;
   How wonderfully kind to the poor!
   If he'd empty it down in a pile on the ground,
   I could find it much better, I'm sure!
   

   "I've learned all the tricks of this wonderful man,
   Who has such regard for the crow
   That he lays out his grounds in a regular plan,
   And covers his corn in a row.
   

   "He must have a very great fancy for me;
   He tries to entrap me enough,
   But I measure his distance as well as he,
   And when he comes near, I'm off."
   

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